Guess Who's Back
by PeggyPegs
Summary: Kind of a crack fic, idea hit me out of nowhere. Freddy doesn't like who's captured the minds of today's teens...rated for Freddy's mouth and my dislike of Twilight. Reviews and haters welcome.
1. Eddiepoo

**Author's Note: I originally wrote this while I was up late babysitting, however when I went back to look it over I realized it had a handful of spelling and grammar errors [commas, i's and e's mixed up, typical late night issues]. So with my most profound apologies, here is the hopefully correct version.**

**I've already got chapter two planned out, but reviews are always welcome…even if the only thing you have to say is it's a stupid idea and you love Edward soooo much and who the hell is Freddy? 'Cause hey, that's better than nothing :]**

He ran. Faster than any human ever could, just a blur tearing through the woods. His Bella was in danger, his poor defenseless Bella. This new presence threatened all that he held dear [though that wasn't much.] First encountered on the outskirts of town, smelling of blood and ash, Edward hadn't stayed around long enough to get a good look, as the being reeked of evil and power. Judging by the suddenness with which it appeared, the possibility of supernatural powers was entirely plausible. Faster and faster he ran, racing against this unknown enemy.

With a thump, Edward collided with a red and green obstacle. Shocked, he looked up at the figure standing over him. Leaning against a tree was a man in a striped sweater and dirty brown hat. The man chuckled, as he uncrossed his arms and stepped slowly towards the startled vampire. As he raised his head, Edward could see the red, angry skin on his face, undoubtedly what was the ash smell from earlier. He wasn't sure what the man found so amusing, until his attention was caught by the dim Forks sunlight reflecting off the formidable knives attached to the burnt man's gloved right hand.

Edward made to rise and demand for this creature to move at once when a boot smashed into his face, and with surprising strength forced him back down to the ground. Sneering down at the vampire, the demon growled,

"Do you know who I am?"

With great apprehension Edward shook his head. In a flash, he was grabbed most unceremoniously by the neck and pinned up roughly against a nearby tree. Thoughts raced through Edward's mind. Here was this man, this thing, encloaked by the stench of sinister might, who dared threaten him in his own territory. But these thoughts of indignation were interrupted by Edward's realization that the intruder had strength and speed that rivaled, if not bested, his own. He was snapped back to reality by the newcomer's voice, which had gone from a throaty growl to a maniacal, gravelly yell.

"OF COURSE YOU DON'T KNOW ME YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH! NO ONE KNOWS ME ANYMORE! LEGIONS OF INSIPID, WHINY PIGGIES FANTASIZING ABOUT YOU WHEN THEY SHOULD BE TREMBLING IN FEAR OF **ME**!"

With this, the man ran his strangely attired hand up the tree next to Edward's arm, shredding the bark clean off the trunk. Leaning closer, the man snickered menacingly.

"Why don't you help me? Return me to my former glory…"

Edward shook his head again, wanting nothing to do with this madman but unwilling to open his mouth in fear of losing his tongue.

"No? Well what a pity. It was a rhetorical question!"

The man dug his clawed hand into Edward's chest, relishing the feel of flesh being slit apart. A strange sort of liquid poured out, too cool to be human blood. The strong smelling vampire blood dripped onto the ground, staining the grass below. With a triumphant yell, the man yanked out Edward's pierced heart, snapping veins and shirt threads as if they were the same. A satisfied smirk fell upon the man's face as he took one knifed finger and carved "FK" into the back of the lifeless body. Stepping back to admire his handiwork, the man grabbed what used to be most teenage girls' dream _boy_ and dragged it none-too-gently behind him, muttering,

"You'll be useful again later bitch, very useful indeed."

**A/N: Chapter 2 should be up by the twenty-first**


	2. Bellaboo

**Author's Note: Whoo hoo! Look at me updating when I said I would :] **

Bella drove down the winding driveway that led to the Cullen's house, blissfully unaware of the grotesque fate that had befallen her beloved. Pulling into the driveway, she noticed a strange sort of silence. Not the peaceful midnight quiet, but the forced silence that comes from those who can no longer speak, laugh, and jest.

"Edward?"

No response.

"Carlisle? Esme? Anyone home?" she called as she let herself in.

'How unusual,' she thought to herself, 'I guess I'll just watch a little TV until someone gets home.'

She rounded the corner only to freeze at the scene before her. The entire Cullen family, minus Edward, were all sitting on the couches surrounding the television. However, each one had a bloody gaping hole in their chest, through which oozed the thin, coppery vampire blood. The backs of their necks bore what seemed to be some sort of marking, possibly letters, but Bella could not summon up the courage to take a closer look. A lumpy mass had been placed in each's lap, and Bella began to gag when she realized that the misshapen object belonged lodged in the dripping hole above it. Suppressing the urge to retch, she saw that every face had been slit from ear to ear in the shape of a macabre smile.

Seeing the blood trickling slowly from the not-smiles did it for Bella, and she was violently sick on the living room floor. What could do such severe damage to a family of vampires? And what felt compelled to make such an absolute mockery of its deceased victims? She knew that she needed to find Edward and warn him, they had to avenge his family. She burst through the front door, hurriedly wiping traces of vomit from the corners of her mouth. As she fumbled for her keys, she saw a haggard looking Edward stroll out of the forest. She ran towards him, trying to stammer an explanation.

"Edwards, it's dreadful!...your family….the blood…so horrible!"

Looking up at his flawless face, Bella was confounded by the lack of any fear, confusion, or distress. In fact, he almost seemed to be smirking; a sort of mirthful glee danced in his eyes.

"There, there, honey, it's okay. I know, I really do. You'll be away from it all soon," he said as he wrapped her in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder, hoping soon meant now. His hands travelled up her arms to rest on her head. Bella relaxed into him, knowing he'd keep her safe.

Gradually, Edward's gentle noises of comfort turned to a low chortle. Startled, Bella looked up as Edward's smooth marble-like visage was replaced by a rough, angry, burnt face. A face that now smirked down at her. Bella began to struggle against the red and green clad arms that now held her captive.

_Thwick. _

_Thwick thwick thwick._

She gasp as she felt something forcing it way into the flesh and bone of her head. With a great yank, the man tore his right hand out of her head, revealing a glove with straight razors for fingers, fingers that now dripped crimson. With a final look that managed to be both confused and terrified, Bella collapsed into eternity.

The man leaned down and tore into her face, carving a simple two letters. He smiled to himself contently as he stood and walked away…

"Freddy's back…bitches."

**A/N: So what did you think? The way I planned this out this is the end, with Freddy going off into the world to reestablish his reign of terror over adolescents everywhere, although suggestions for continuations are welcome. **


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